New Television Ad Rules by Betty

I fully realize that this, the USA, is a capitalist society. I understand that if I want to watch "normal" television, I must be bombarded with paid advertisements by the sponsors of the program I watch. As a child, teenager, and even as a young adult, the contents of television commercials seemed to bounce off me - even though I honestly admit I did, indeed, absorb quite a few catchy jingles. I can sing the songs (or jingles) for Nestle's Chocolate, Oreos, Armour Hotdogs, Oscar Meyer Bologna, Burger King, McDonald's, Campbell's Soup, Alka-Seltzer and probably about 30 more. I can immediately identify the music associated with "The Teaberry Shuffle", the Marlboro Man, the Frito Bandito, and the operatic Rice Krispies ad. I fondly remember Coca-Cola's "I'd Like To Teach the World to Sing" commercial.
Most of today's advertisements are forgettable - either you cannot remember them, or you do not want to remember them - or they are simply too loud. (And, unfortunately, the same can be said about the majority of today's films, as well.) I readily admit that I am a child of the 1950s: I have cable television (because I live in the mountains, and I like be to certain of reception), I have a land-line telephone that is plugged into the wall, and it has an actual cord between the receiver and the body; I have my desk-top PC; and I travel by foot, bicycle, or public bus. I am an old-fashioned person.
Why this run-down? Because I am about to post my own rules for television advertisements - what I believe the nation's media giants, and the small local stations, should follow.

** Medicine and Pharmaceutical Ads
* Commercials for aspirin, acetaminophen, ibuprofen and naproxen are all OK. The name brand company can state that some pain relievers work better for certain people than others, and can urge people to try another brand if they find such-and-such a brand is not working for them.
* Medications for specific medical problems should only be allowed to say, "Think you are suffering from (-whatever condition-)? Contact your physician and ask him or her about (-whatever brand name-)." And then all possible side-effects must be listed.
I do not need to hear men having conversations with themselves regarding sexual dysfunctions, nor women or men complaining about bladder (or other) incontinence during my breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snack. Kids don't need to hear it either. - And what's up (sorry about the pun) with the Cialis ad where each part of the couple hoping for a sexual moment are sitting in separate tubs? Shouldn't they be in one together?

** Political Advertisements
* Once the filing date has passed for an elected position, ads may be placed by the candidate on local stations (national stations, if it is a nation-wide election: President, for example). Ads may have background music, with a voice-over; or just music with written information on the screen. The ad should present the candidates name, age, party affiliation, place of residence, and what position they are running for. If wanted, the candidate may indicate: marriage status and family information, why they think they should be elected, and why the populace should vote for them. - If the candidate wants to do more, let her/him purchase ad space in print sources.
* Three to five face-to-face debates should be scheduled and televised, along with questions from the audience. Questions from the audience should not be screened nor prepared. Prior to the debate, several pertinent topics should be mentioned as possible subjects; two of those topics should be chosen by a blind draw for the debate immediately prior to the start of the debate.
* No advertisements or commercials may smear, put down, or harass any candidate. PACs and special interest groups may not buy time to vilify any candidate or put a gloss o their favorite candidate. No negative ads!
* Short, fun, un-offensive ads are allowed by all. (Such as John Hickenlooper inhaling helium, and then speaking with a squeaky voice, saying, "Vote for me.")

** Other Ads
* Please, no vomit - even baby vomit. It's not cute.
* Animals are cute. The Geico gecko and Geico's Maxwell the Little Pig are cute. Budweiser's Clydesdales and Dalmatians are cute. Yakult's furry pink gastro-intestinal system that giggles, jiggles, and purrs is just plain gross - especially as it hops along on its rectum and blows bubbles from its esophagus. (Please!! Enough with the warm and fuzzy GI tract!)
* Lower the volume, please. - I somehow made it through the '60s and '70s with my hearing intact. It's too bad that most teenagers today already have permanent hearing loss. I don't - and I don't want it, either.
* Local ads for autos, restaurants and shopping centers are invariably sharp, innovative, and very fun to watch. Keep them going! Support your local businesses!

It is time for companies to use common sense and good taste in advertising again.