Losing a Loved Pet

I haven't lost one of my own, personal pets in seven years, now.  When my cat, Banichi, was poisoned by a neighbor, I withdrew completely and only Lovey, my other cat kept me from committing suicide.  I didn't know it at the time, but my psychiatrist and my therapist were both very afraid that I would do away with myself - but Leofgifu made me stay on - to care for her.
   I take care of a lot of pets who have grown old in the past 13 years I've been a pet-sitter.  Sometimes the loss of the pet has been quick and unexpected, and sometimes the owners and I have watched a long, slow decline and discussed the difficulty of euthanasia versus a natural death.  I have always said that if the pet was suffering great pain, or had totally lost control of all body functions, that it was best to euthanize.
   Sweet Rosie was a week away from 15 years, which is pretty incredible for an Irish Setter - they usually don't live much past 12.  Her body slowly deteriorated, and the last few days she needed assistance to walk.  She essentially told her owners that it was time to say Good-bye, and they did so.  The owners were in tears, but it was the best thing for Rosie.
   I've been caring for a really special, loving Spangled Bengal cat named Seek.  Her owner has had only five other pets in her life, and all the other pets died suddenly and quickly, in unexpected ways.  That included Seek's litter mate brother, Hide.  Seek was diagnosed a few weeks ago with bone cancer.  It was originally thought that she had an abscessed tooth, and during the dental work, the growth on her jaw bone was seen, and a scraping was sent to the lab.  The owner has never had to watch, or nurse, any pet through such pain and suffering.  The last bit of anything that Seek consumed was pureed chicken Florentine that I fed her through an eye-dropper last Thursday, a week ago.  The owner has not been able to get her to eat or drink since then.  Seek's mouth has swollen enormously, and she cannot groom herself, or use her tongue in any way.
    After talking with the owner at great length yesterday afternoon, and with me telling her that the ultimate decision was hers, she has decided to have Pete, our local house-call veterinarian come over and let Seek slip away peacefully.  The owner is a Buddhist and wanted the cat to die "a natural death."  I pointed out that with no nourishment, and with a continual ooze of blood, mucus and infected gunk running from her mouth and down her chest, Seek had to be uncomfortable.  Her eyes are greatly dilated, and she is purring constantly, a sign of pain.  We can't give her pain medicine, other than an injection, and the owner said no to that.
   The owner told me that she was calling Pete, the vet, yesterday evening.  I told her that I would be happy to be there, if she wanted me to, when she says good-bye to Seek.  (And then I had to tell her that I had a dentist appointment this afternoon, and wouldn't be available for a couple of hours.)  She said that several other people had expressed the wish to be there, so I probably will not attend.I said my good-byes to Seek yesterday afternoon, and told her about the Rainbow Bridge, and seeing her brother again.  I wish her a pain free trip......

Deaths

In a 72 hour period in Louisville, Kentucky, this past weekend, 152 people died from overdoses of heroin.  I learned, while on the Grand Jury for my county, that you can now purchase two hits (or doses) of heroin for $5, if you know the right (or, to my mind, wrong) people - street dealers.  If you want to buy an illegal dose of Oxycontin or Hydrocodone, you have to pay $10 to $22 per pill from those same street dealers.  I don't know why I was surprised.  "Illegal drugs" have been available from the beginning of time.
   I'm not even sure why I chose this topic for this blog - maybe because I was amazed by reading about those 152 deaths in Louisville in 72 hours.  Or maybe it was because I just watched episode #35 of  The Resistence on GQ Facebook/YouTube with Keith Olbermann, in which he ended each paragraph with the questions, "Are they high? - Or what?"
   People have been experimenting with plants and alcohol and distillations of compounds for hundreds of thousands of years (OK, that may be an exaggeration).  People have sought things to ease pain and to make them happy or feel good and to forget.  A lot of people are happy with what they have in their lives, and a lot are not.  It seems to me, with the proliferation of television, cinema, the internet - and more recently, with the explosion of cell phones, i-pods, tablets, etc - that most young people who live at the middle- and lower-income brackets feel left out.  They feel they deserve more. They want more.  Because everyone on TV has all of these things - and in the movies, too.
   I have an old-fashioned land-line telephone.  I don't like to talk on it.  I have a cell phone, too - but it only makes and receives phone calls and text messages.  I hate that one more that I hate my land line.  I prefer to contact my friends and family by writing, or by speaking face to face.  I do have my personal computer.  It is a desk-top model, and it's almost ten years old.  I have to sit at my desk to use it for anything.  And I like that.  It does not have a camera built into the monitor; it does not Skype; the Instant Messenger program was turned off as soon as I got the unit home and set up.  I use this computer for my own interests, and my own reasons.  I do a lot of research, and I hate being interrupted. I suffer from depression, but I manage to hold onto my sanity.
   I guess I'm really trying to say that I feel deeply sorry for the people who die from drug overdoses.  Most are trying to escape from some kind of pain - whether it's physical, mental, psychic, financial, or just imagined.  I can understand wanting to get away from any type of pain. I comprehend not wanting to hurt and wanting to be able to accept things as they are.
   I suffer from my own self-inflicted mental anguish at times.  I suffer a lot of physical pain daily, having to do with previous accidents.  Today, my recurrent Shingles has flared up again, and I have constant pain, along with sharp stabbing zings that occur irregularly.  My last memory of a pain free day was after my shoulder surgery back in the early 1990's - or maybe it was 1989.  I had 30 hours that were pain free - and I fell in love with my orthopedic anesthesiologist for 48 hours.  Then all of my usual aches and pains returned.
   No one wants to live in pain - but sometimes, it's the proof that one is alive.

My Views of Dentists

One of my earliest memories is of being held down by three adults while a dentist cleaned my teeth - can you understand why this is my view of dentists?

I woke up in the middle of having 4 wisdom teeth removed....

Two days later I had 3 dry sockets...

More pain, more DDS visits...

Oh, hell, no!

I think they'll have to use this type of thing to keep me in the chair, or wherever...