Somtimes, Life Is Awful

I have long recognized and dealt with the circle of life and death.  But sometimes, it just sucks.  When my father, mother, and husband died, I had the warmth and comfort of wonderful friends - Carolyn, Jack, Chip, Kathryn and Mary.  Kathryn, who lives in Gainesville, will soon leave us.  She promised my Mother, when Mom moved back to Chincoteague, to look after and take care of me.  She's always been there, through good times, and bad.  Now she is in the hospital in Gainesville, incoherent, and in restraints, unable to breathe, unable to communicate, and, I'm sure, unhappy.  Thursday night she had trouble breathing, and Mary, her house-mate, took her to the ER. She was admitted to the "Progressive Care" unit, which is one step below ICU, at North Florida Regional. Saturday, she was given her diagnosis - lung cancer had spread, untreated and unknown, throughout her body - the recommendation was Hospice Care at home.  Saturday night, her condition worsened.  Chest tubes were placed to remove the excess fluid from her lungs - Sunday she became incoherent, speaking in nonsense syllables; possibly from the high doses of morphine, possibly from a stroke.  She doesn't like being in the hospital.  She has tried to remove her IV and chest tubes, and is now in restraints.  She can't communicate to make her wishes known....   I feel so badly for her.  She is actually closer to me than my own sister is; only my friend Carolyn is closer.  I wish I could do something....  anything....  But of course, that's not the way life goes.   Please send kind thoughts and prayers toward my friend Kathryn - all of her friends and family will appreciate it.