Tuesday, January 12, 2016

"Who Am I?" Dreams

I had a wild night of extremely frightening and chaotic dreams Sunday into Monday.  I was awake for more than five hours yesterday before I felt comfortable with myself.  When I awoke yesterday morning to get up and do my daily chores, I was convinced that I needed to have a tattoo placed on my body (where I could read it) stating my name, date of birth and Social Security number...  That's how strong and vivid my dreams had been.
   Now, if I look at what I ate, and what I watched, looked at and read from supper until lights out, I might be able to find a culprit; if you believe that what you eat and see makes an impression on your dreams.  For Sunday night supper, I was watching James Spader and Kurt Russell in Star Gate, and I ate a couple of beef hot dogs with baked beans.  A couple hours later, while looking at photos of the Earp brothers and Bat Masterson, I had a piece of lime pound cake.  Then I looked at historical photos from Dodge City, Kansas - including a photo of a trader who had been shot and scalped by Native Americans.  I read a few chapters in Donna Andrews' Lord of the Wings, had a handful of regular gummy bears and went to bed.  (An awful diet, I know....)
   I had multiple dreams from midnight until 6 a.m., and when I awoke from a nasty dream, and went back to sleep, I always had another dream that had the same features.  I was lost.  I didn't know my name or my history.  I knew that if other people discovered this information, I'd be "locked up."  At one point in a dream, I had taken my Mom somewhere, we had gotten separated, and I lost her - I was searching for her like mad, but I couldn't tell anyone her name, or my name, because I didn't know them.  In another dream, I had taken my granddaughter out to exchange a pair of shoes that were too large for her.  In the dream, the shoes were hot pink, and were a size 6, when they should have been a size 3.  My granddaughter wanted to carry the white plastic bag that the shoes had arrived in, and I let.  Then she disappeared and I didn't know which little girl  was my granddaughter, and I knew that if I stopped every girl with a white bag and asked to look inside it, I'd draw attention.  Since I didn't know my own name, or the name of my granddaughter, or even where either of us lived, I didn't want to get noticed.  So I wandered aimlessly.   At one point in time, in another dream, I was inside a huge hospital complex, and was eating left-over food from hospital trays, and sleeping in waiting rooms - because I knew I'd be "locked up" if anyone found out that I didn't know who I was.  These dreams were vivid and extremely disturbing....
    I don't know what caused them, but I really don't want them to return.  Nightmares.  Blech.

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